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Grammar nerds have a bad rap.
Yes, we sometimes overstep social boundaries by excessively correcting people's grammar, but we have a lot of great attributes that often go unnoticed.
So whether you're a grammar nerd looking to entice a crush or you're in a relationship with a bizarre-but-wonderful grammar fanatic, it's time to celebrate these language-obsessed weirdos (and I can say that because I am one).
Without further ado, here are 50 great reasons to date a grammar nerd:
- Your grammar-loving significant other probably has a huge library from which you can borrow books to your heart's content. Score!
- Writing a paper? You'll have immediate access to an editor.
- Writing a Facebook post? Please, run it past your beloved grammar nerd.
- Writing an email? You get the picture.
- If you do make a grammar mistake on Facebook, your significant other can simply say, "Hey, I think you wrote pubic instead of public in your status update." This allows you to avoid the inevitable snarky comment from the pretentious ass who had one class with you in university.
- You'll really come to appreciate grammar-related humor. For example, "You can't run in a campground. You can only ran because it's past tents!"
- You'll never receive a text that looks like this:
- Not only will you use fewer and less correctly, but you'll be able to explain that their usage depends on whether the word described is a count or a non-count noun.
- You'll know who your friends are because only the truly devoted will stick around after you've thoroughly explained the difference between count and non-count nouns. Freak.
- You'll be able to use whom correctly. (If you don't, you'll definitely be scolded, which is fine because you can just call your significant other a geek and move on).
- You'll learn to use commas consistently. Whether that includes the controversial Oxford comma depends entirely on where your significant other stands on the issue. Whichever side it is though, you'd better stick to it, lest you face the righteous indignation of a lover betrayed. (Yeah. It's that serious.)
- Your significant other will thoroughly reprimand you if you dare say irregardless. This might seem like a bad thing, but, like, you deserve it, so…
- Should you find yourself in a situation in which you have one chance to spell the word onomatopoeia correctly with only one phone call, you'll know whose number to dial. (I don't know why you'd be in this situation, but I'm just saying that if you were, you'd be covered.)
- You'll never be subjected to a heartfelt (but ultimately super awkward) performance of the love song "You and I" (the John Legend, the Barbra Streisand, the Lady Gaga, or the One Direction one) because, technically, it should be "You and Me."
- You'll become a repository for little-known, less-than-helpful mnemonic grammar devices such as this one: Like, who would find that useful?
- If your significant other ever makes a grammar mistake (it happens to everyone, regardless of their devotion to grammar), you'll have the immense satisfaction of correcting the mistake and then discussing it for the next 24–48 hours, depending on how egregious the error was.
- Your significant other can tell you that the use of the singular they has been standard practice for centuries, and that even though it is frowned upon in formal writing, it is perfectly acceptable when the gender of the person being described is unknown or unspecified (and when phrases such as "your significant other" become too cumbersome to use for 33 more list items).
- They will never accidentally break up with you by forgetting to include a comma or semicolon in their apology.
- When introducing them to your parents, you won't have to worry that your significant other will make a bad impression by saying something like "supposably" or "for all intensive purposes." You will, however, worry that they'll make a bad impression by knocking over the beautiful 100-year-old urn containing your grandmother's ashes. (Grammar nerds are often—though not exclusively!—on the clumsier side. It's not their fault, though—they channel so much of their brainpower toward speaking correctly that there's just not enough for trivial things like walking.)
- They'll be easy to woo. Just use impeccable grammar and flowing sentence constructions, and they'll fall in love.
- If you're a Star Trek fan, your significant other can come to your aid when someone says that "To boldly go where no one has gone before" is a split infinitive and is thus grammatically incorrect. Your beau will be able to explain that, in fact, splitting infinitives is not an error, and that anyone who says otherwise is welcome to boldly "cash me ousside, howbow dah?" (Grammar nerds are not above using pop culture–based colloquialisms to communicate their arguments more effectively.)
- You'll have no shortage of card options come Valentine's Day.
- When they're upset and crying on your shoulder, all you have to say is "There, their, they're." They won't get it at first, so you'll have to explain that one is an adverb, one is a possessive adjective, and one is a contraction, and then you'll both laugh and laugh, and your significant other will forget why they were upset in the first place. Win!
- You'll never have to worry about feeling nerdy; arguing over linguistics is literally as nerdy as it gets.
- By including strategically placed tpyos in your texts, you'll ensure that they read every single one. And not only that, but you're also guaranteed responses (and corrections, and possibly light scolding). But hey, at least you're sure to capture their attention!
- You and your grammar nerd will get to travel a lot, because whenever they notice past typos they've made on their social media accounts, they'll have to move to a new city and change their name.
- If you're in the early stages of your relationship, you'll never have to worry about where the relationship is going or have to take a step farther together (because, actually, it's further, as farther implies physical distance).
- You'll never have to worry about them getting too possessive (they know that's just for apostrophes).
- If you need to stall because you're not ready for that date you promised you'd be ready for, you can ask about their opinion on ending a sentence with a preposition. This will secure you minutes—nay, hours—of extra time.
- You can gain brownie points by always carrying an extra pen that your grammar nerd can use to fix the errors on menus and signs that drive them crazy during your dates.
- A grammar nerd will laugh at their own jokes, so you won't even have to.
- You'll never need to worry about securing a job again: a grammar nerd won't let you leave the house without a grammatically flawless resume and cover letter.
- Their inner editor has scared away most of their friends, so they'll have all the time in the world to spend with you (even if half that time is spent talking about word crimes).
- If you ever get into an argument in the comments section of an online article or video, the walking rulebook at your side will help you to shut down the other party by ridiculing their grammar (hey, it's not a brilliant victory, but it's a victory).
- You'll never again worry about an awkward silence: grammar nerds are excellent conversationalists. If all else fails, discuss when, if ever, it's appropriate to use the passive voice over the active voice.
- Buying gifts for grammar nerds is insanely easy. And even if you can't afford a gift, you can write a long message in a card—they'll forget all about your lack of a gift and focus on your heartfelt message instead. (Just make sure it's grammatically perfect first.)
- While grammar nerds might not be the most open-minded individuals, they're always willing to learn new things, making for a life full of adventure and knowledge. At the very least, you may learn a thing or two (in all the arguments you'll lose).
- Everything you say will be taken seriously—right down to the letter, in fact. Sometimes, this will be a bad thing, so it's probably a good idea to choose your words carefully. There is, for example, a world of difference between "Love ya" and "I love you." And be careful with your use of exclamation marks, as too many makes it seem like you're shouting. (Okay, maybe this isn't the most compelling reason to date a grammar nerd after all.)
- If you're dating a grammar nerd, it means you've made the cut. You're part of an elite group of patient grammar lovers with, at the very least, passable English skills. You're uniquely qualified!
- You'll be happy to hear that grammar nerds extend the same passion they hold for grammar to many parts of their lives. This means you'll never be bored. (Well, you might be a little bored when they're explaining the difference between prescriptive and descriptive grammar, but hey, it's interesting if you can stay awake long enough to pay attention!)
- Grammar nerds are natural problem solvers. Need advice on where to place that comma, how to rearrange your living room, or even how to deal with a problem at work? Say no more! They're here to ensure perfection in all things.
- On that note, your grammar nerd likes to be the best of the best, which means they'll strive to be the best significant other for you. Aww.
- Is your love language words of affirmation? If so, you're in luck! Word shortages are rare with this type (even if, maybe, occasional silence wouldn't be so bad…).
- A grammar nerd is always down for a good old-fashioned debate. Want to talk about the importance of the semicolon? Your favorite character's arc in the movie you just watched? Even the best hamburger topping? You've met your match.
- Their attention to detail is on point. They know that the small things matter most in a relationship, like picking up a prescription or taking out the garbage. Or correcting their significant other's comma placement. You know, the necessary evils of being in love.
- Everyone needs a cunning linguist in their life. You don't need to sacrifice good grammar to talk nerdy to them!
- Speaking of which: did someone say "comma sutra"? Wink, wink.
- A good pun is all it takes to win over their heart. For example, "If you were words on a page, you'd be fine print." Aww, yeah.
- Grammar matters, even if you think it doesn't. If you think you could care less about grammar, think again. You couldn't care less. Saying you could care less means you do care. See? Told you so. (Prepare for a lot of those.)
- No one else will date us, so you have to, for the future of the language. For the sake of humanity. No, seriously. Please? We're lonely.
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